Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
