It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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