You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
