So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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