is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
