1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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