I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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