I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
