I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
