Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The feeling are messing with the penis
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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