why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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