I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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