You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
