Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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