I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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