We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
