my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
