that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I need a beard to bite.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize