Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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