Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
