Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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