well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
