i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
