True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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