That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I want her autograph on my taint
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
