mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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