the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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