Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
