What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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