just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
