am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
