before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
