in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
