i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
