i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
