she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
