I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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