there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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