The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The uberlube is also flammable
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
