I'm really into asian looking animals
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
These tits shall not be calmed
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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