But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
