the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
