you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We're too hungover to prance.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
