i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize