i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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