wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
