i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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