He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
