You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
