I just threw up on my dentist
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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