why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
