it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
