in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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