i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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