ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This girl is more easily done than said...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
