i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
