Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
