Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
