I'm drive I can fine osifer
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
