He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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