My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
