After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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