My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
