So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
