Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Apparently you make a good broom.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
