No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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