he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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